Kittens, MySpace, & More

We've all heard of MySpace. There, I said it, and this means I don't have to explain a darn thing about it.

Fine, ok.. go learn about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myspace

"MySpace is a social networking website offering an interactive, user-submitted network of friends, personal profiles, blogs, groups, photos, music and videos for teenagers and adults internationally. Its headquarters are in Beverly Hills, California, USA,[2] where it shares an office building with its immediate owner, Fox Interactive Media; which is owned by News Corporation, which has its headquarters in New York City."

OK so where will I go with this rant.

Kittens.

Yes, kittens. You see, a while back when I was still trying to exploit the denizens of MySpace into becoming willing contributors to my movie company's cash coffers (sorry about that, denizens, although this is an academic apology since my efforts were fruitless), I stumbled across a kitten with a MySpace page. I looked closer and discovered that the kitten had many "friends."

All kittens with MySpace pages.

I looked even further and discovered that kittens would post "meow's" on other kittens profile pages!

OK I'm no Doctor Doolittle but it seems to me that this is just wack.

So I did some more looking and discovered that I could find condiments with their own pages. Yes that's right.. ketchup, mustard, even butter all have profiles on MySpace.

And it doesn't stop there. McDonald's characters have their own pages! The sky is apparently the limit. And I suppose "Sky" probably also has a MySpace page. Headline on profile reading "I am the limit."

MySpace is out of control lunacy.

So let's cut to what's important to me: me. Do I approve of MySpace? Sure! How could I not approve of something that patently absurd? I am sure kids and adults all across the planet are right now racking their brains to choose inanimate items and concepts to use as their MySpace identities. Let the games.. continue on!

I'd like to contribute to the fun. These could all be done, but in case they aren't.. here are a few ideas I am putting out there for you to use if you decide to completely waste time and energy on something so silly as MySpace, a few profiles you could create:

1. Peace. Why not become a concept. Alternatives would be "war," "pestilence," or even "flatulence."

2. Matter. Your headline can be "I am the glue that holds everything together. AND, I am also everything that is held together by that glue."

3. MSG. Then you can offer people who won't befriend you the option to put "this profile has no MSG" as their headline

4. Lots of people pick a famous person. I would be trickier and pick a relative/spouse of that famous person. And then use a second profile of the first name of the famous person who has a picture of a dog as their picture (macho dog for man, wimpy dog for woman). So you make both profiles and establish a dialogue between the two about stuff that only the real famous person would talk about. Your famous profile...will have no other friends, he/she is only on MySpace because the spouse is.

5. A movie critic. and then start reviewing every actor/movie whose pages you land on. talk about submitting reviews to your editor and such but keep it vague, as you are not allowed to reveal who you work for. make sure all your reviews are patently absurd.

6. Same for a music critic..

7. A doctor. surf the web and cut and paste intricate descriptions of graphic surgeries you have performed.

8. A politician, john smith. blog about your hardcore sexual conquests with animals and humans. hint that you are a very powerful politician who is glad his/her antics have not been uncovered.

9. The worlds most incompetent terrorist. all your plans backfire and all your attempts hurt no one but yourself. you are opposed to something completely silly, your cause is pure hokum. like... "Allah's Soldiers in Arms Against the MySpace Kitten Army" or something.

10. The guy who invented FaceBook. ask a lot of questions on why people like MySpace and what their thoughts are on the whole trend. then call them fools and idiots.

And if you have free time enough to make all those profiles .. have all of them get to know each other and then start squabbling. Explore the possibility of using this to research someone who has a multiple personality disorder whose personalities are involved in a bitter "MyWar." Then discover conclusively that you are that very person.

Then again if you have this kind of free time... maybe you could do something useful for humanity like...

like..

I lost you at "useful" didn't I?

See you on MySpace, you won't know it's me of course... but the next time you see a comment on your page from a floor wax product.. you never know... (I also make a great dessert topping)...

JF