"I knew this guy who..."
Volume 1: Picture in Picture
Volume 1: Picture in Picture
I knew this guy who was the most particular dude in the whole world. In fact I'll say solar system. This guy was unreal. We're talking Rainman-style inflexibility.
For example, it's a known fact that at a strip bar they gouge you for the drinks. And everything else, but you can't change those things. However you can try to be smart about the drinks. For example if they have a "drinks on tap for $3.50" deal, TAKE THE DEAL. Well, when we went to the strip club*, I got to witness firsthand the unthinkable unalterable stupidity of this guy. He would refuse the deal, he didn't like to drink tap drinks. So, even when he was told that Bud Light on tap was $3.50 and Bud Light In A Bottle was $7.50, he would go for the bottles. Keep in mind the guy is a raging drunkaholic. So add it up, the dude blows an extra 4 bucks a drink. And drinks 15 drinks.
Let's calculate. That's.. that's math and I refuse to do math. I got my high school diploma and college bachelor degree which proves I once did math. Well the high school diploma proves I did math, the college degree only proves I got drunk. Now it's up to others to do my math for me. If I am forced to do math, a little part of me dies. So it's not going to happen. I still drink for myself though. And a little part of me dies then too, but it's a glorious death on the cognative battlefield of my frontal lobe, not a meaningless math death.
So that's a bunch of money he wastes each time he goes to the strip bar. And he went a lot. Cha-Ching!
But the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen from this guy was when he went to buy a TV. He is the kind of guy who spends a lot of time researching and "thinking" and over-analyzing. Well he wanted a huge Sony TV (had to be Sony, he would accept nothing else) but he was stopped in his tracks by Picture in Picture. You see, he doesn't like Picture in Picture. He has no reason for not liking it, he just doesn't like it. So, in his typical fashion, he refused to buy a TV that had it.
A rocket scientist once told me that if you have a product with a transparent feature you don't like, you could simply not activate and use that feature. AKA if you don't like Picture in Picture, just don't use Picture in Picture.
Well this guy finally caved in after a year of fruitless research to find the one new Sony TV that didn't have Picture in Picture. And he actually bought a one with Picture in Picture. It's a standard feature. They all have it.
I could tell he was all torn up inside about this. If you mentioned TV, or a TV show, or video, or a movie, or airwaves, you could see him tense up as he prepared to go into his monologue about his internal torment over the "Trojan horse Picture in Picture" that he had to get on his Sony TV. The Horror! The technology was holding him hostage, symbolically! He had to accept a feature he didn't want! Freedom itself was in peril! He was like a caged manimal, trapped, abused, a victim of the future!
Let me backtrack, there's a story about this guy and shoes, where he spent about 2 months buying shoes. He would buy a pair, take them home, think about it, and decide he didn't like them, then go back to exchange them for another pair. He did this, like I said, for over 2 months. Seriously. His girlfriend used to confide in me and tell me these stories, and I would laugh and laugh. This guy was a true life Seinfeld character.
OK back to the story, so obviously he decided he didn't want the TV, it was no good, how could it be? It had the dreaded Picture in Picture. He didn't want to take it back to the store for some reason. Maybe he couldn't? It wouldn't fit in his car? I Dunno. But he tried to sell it to me and I almost went for the deal. He's an idiot, why shouldn't I profit from that fact? But then he started to try to make as much back on the TV as he could, and thus I was out looking for a similar TV to price compare. I wasn't going to pay him full price for a used TV.
I found one, same exact model, that was returned to the store, with no problems, that was 100 bucks less than what he wanted. And I didn't have to drive across the state to pick it up. So I bought that one from the store. I still have that TV to this day, great TV. Sony has my blessing.
As a side note, I don't ever use Picture in Picture, I think it's silly. However, unlike this guy, I have no problem with it being a feature on the TV.
I don't remember if he ever managed to unload that evil TV with the much dreaded Picture in Picture or not. I do remember not caring at all one way or another, and enjoying his future exploits.
I can still imagine him looking at his remote, in agony, seeing the little Picture in Picture button, look how it mocks him!
-Jebby
*Disclaimer: there is no concrete proof that I have ever been to a strip club, I must be hypothetically projecting someone else's memories onto myself here for the point of this story, according to my lawyer Mr. Timothy Sparks, whom I keep on retainer to deny any and all allegations and or implications. After all, if it's alleged, it must be categorically denied. Johnny Cochrane may have told me that. "If you imply, we will deny!").
For example, it's a known fact that at a strip bar they gouge you for the drinks. And everything else, but you can't change those things. However you can try to be smart about the drinks. For example if they have a "drinks on tap for $3.50" deal, TAKE THE DEAL. Well, when we went to the strip club*, I got to witness firsthand the unthinkable unalterable stupidity of this guy. He would refuse the deal, he didn't like to drink tap drinks. So, even when he was told that Bud Light on tap was $3.50 and Bud Light In A Bottle was $7.50, he would go for the bottles. Keep in mind the guy is a raging drunkaholic. So add it up, the dude blows an extra 4 bucks a drink. And drinks 15 drinks.
Let's calculate. That's.. that's math and I refuse to do math. I got my high school diploma and college bachelor degree which proves I once did math. Well the high school diploma proves I did math, the college degree only proves I got drunk. Now it's up to others to do my math for me. If I am forced to do math, a little part of me dies. So it's not going to happen. I still drink for myself though. And a little part of me dies then too, but it's a glorious death on the cognative battlefield of my frontal lobe, not a meaningless math death.
So that's a bunch of money he wastes each time he goes to the strip bar. And he went a lot. Cha-Ching!
But the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen from this guy was when he went to buy a TV. He is the kind of guy who spends a lot of time researching and "thinking" and over-analyzing. Well he wanted a huge Sony TV (had to be Sony, he would accept nothing else) but he was stopped in his tracks by Picture in Picture. You see, he doesn't like Picture in Picture. He has no reason for not liking it, he just doesn't like it. So, in his typical fashion, he refused to buy a TV that had it.
A rocket scientist once told me that if you have a product with a transparent feature you don't like, you could simply not activate and use that feature. AKA if you don't like Picture in Picture, just don't use Picture in Picture.
Well this guy finally caved in after a year of fruitless research to find the one new Sony TV that didn't have Picture in Picture. And he actually bought a one with Picture in Picture. It's a standard feature. They all have it.
I could tell he was all torn up inside about this. If you mentioned TV, or a TV show, or video, or a movie, or airwaves, you could see him tense up as he prepared to go into his monologue about his internal torment over the "Trojan horse Picture in Picture" that he had to get on his Sony TV. The Horror! The technology was holding him hostage, symbolically! He had to accept a feature he didn't want! Freedom itself was in peril! He was like a caged manimal, trapped, abused, a victim of the future!
Let me backtrack, there's a story about this guy and shoes, where he spent about 2 months buying shoes. He would buy a pair, take them home, think about it, and decide he didn't like them, then go back to exchange them for another pair. He did this, like I said, for over 2 months. Seriously. His girlfriend used to confide in me and tell me these stories, and I would laugh and laugh. This guy was a true life Seinfeld character.
OK back to the story, so obviously he decided he didn't want the TV, it was no good, how could it be? It had the dreaded Picture in Picture. He didn't want to take it back to the store for some reason. Maybe he couldn't? It wouldn't fit in his car? I Dunno. But he tried to sell it to me and I almost went for the deal. He's an idiot, why shouldn't I profit from that fact? But then he started to try to make as much back on the TV as he could, and thus I was out looking for a similar TV to price compare. I wasn't going to pay him full price for a used TV.
I found one, same exact model, that was returned to the store, with no problems, that was 100 bucks less than what he wanted. And I didn't have to drive across the state to pick it up. So I bought that one from the store. I still have that TV to this day, great TV. Sony has my blessing.
As a side note, I don't ever use Picture in Picture, I think it's silly. However, unlike this guy, I have no problem with it being a feature on the TV.
I don't remember if he ever managed to unload that evil TV with the much dreaded Picture in Picture or not. I do remember not caring at all one way or another, and enjoying his future exploits.
I can still imagine him looking at his remote, in agony, seeing the little Picture in Picture button, look how it mocks him!
-Jebby
*Disclaimer: there is no concrete proof that I have ever been to a strip club, I must be hypothetically projecting someone else's memories onto myself here for the point of this story, according to my lawyer Mr. Timothy Sparks, whom I keep on retainer to deny any and all allegations and or implications. After all, if it's alleged, it must be categorically denied. Johnny Cochrane may have told me that. "If you imply, we will deny!").
3 comments:
You must of 'hypothetically' been watching him buy $110-115.00 worth of beer since you said you did BUT I'm more confused as to how someone would be so anal over PIP on a TV. I don't know a single soul who uses it and yet, I know MANY people who own multiple Tvs that have it...wth?? (I won't even comment about the shoe issue.)
And I won't comment about your alleged and denied strip club visit(s). There's no need to resist PIP. PIP is the future. PIP makes your brain bigger. Love the PIP. Embrace the PIP. Be the PIP.
Oh yeah. I love this new blog feature. I've met some of the guy's you know. They're all case studies in social maladjustment. I'm just glad I'm not one of the guys you know. You don't know me. You don't know me, man. You don't know my PAIN. Anyway, please post more "I knew this guy who..." entries, it makes me feel better about myself.
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